" I think I know who you are. Yeah. So,  I fucked your ex boyfriend once after karaoke in the summer and your best friend is now sleeping with my ex and my ex used to live with that guy you slept with last Halloween who then went on to fuck that girl from that one band who was clearly sleeping with that guy I thought looked like Anderson Cooper while we were breaking up and now he's apparently trying to get with your roommates girl because my friend saw her out and said she was doing blow with someone in the mens room at UFO and when you were seeing that girl with the weird eyebrows around your birthday she ended up posting some shit on instagram about being single when she clearly wasn't and that's how my ex ended up fucking her at that shitty art party in southwest where I heard that the drummer you and I fucked last year brought his new girlfriend who had just broken up with that fucker from that non-profit that I slept with around Christmas who stopped talking to me I think because he heard I was blowing the guy who works at MCW on weekends  Oh. Wait. Were you at that satanist thing a few months back? Or was it that warehouse after party thrown by that one guy I lived with in B.E?  I think I saw you at DIB that morning I was there with the guy with the dirty Carhartt and the Nazi haircut. Cool, cool. That's chill. So, do you live in Detroit?"